The choice is yours!

Bringing the Choose Your Own Adventure format into the digital age. And books. I'm shamelessly plugging the books I've written.

Writing is the art of painting yourself into a corner and then pointing to a trapeze that wasn't there a moment ago.

Your Chosen Geek
Published works
Published works

The stories on this page are free, but if you'd actually like to purchase some other things I've written, well don't let me stop you.

When we last left our hero
When we last left our hero

If you're not caught up with the story, click on the box above. If you are, what are you waiting for? Keep scrolling down.

Seat Of Our Pants Audio
Seat Of Our Pants Audio

Radio dramas from my own theatre company, the Seat Of Our Pants Players.

Trouble for the Tooth Fairy — Chapter Six

You can view the previous chapter here.

“Where are we?”

“This is the palace of his royal imperial majesty, lord of all the lands from the Toothpaste Lake to the Dentin Mines, sovereign of all he beholds, and supreme ruler of the Tooth Fairy council, Throckmorton Olivier Oglethorpe Thaddeus Haverford the 32nd, the Enamel Emperor.”

You ought to have gotten that right, they drilled it into you since the age of three hours.

“Is he like a king or something?”

You wince. “Emperor, please. I understand he’s a bit touchy about the difference.”

“What is the difference?”

“No idea.”

She stares at the shining walls all around her. “Do I get to meet him?”

You sigh. You were going to get found out anyway. “Yes. Yes, I suppose you must. Look, it’s very rude to deny an emperor anything, so will you please just give your tooth to him? I promise I will still show you what happens to the teeth if it’s still within my power to do so.”

She looks at the tooth in her hand. “Okay.”

“Good. He might let us live that way.”

“What?”

“Come on!” You are not particularly familiar with the palace, but finding the Emperor is easy. You just go to the closest part of the palace that you’ve never been allowed to go to before.

“WHO GOES THERE?”

“WHAT?”

“I SAY WHO GOES THERE?!”

“OH, TURN OFF THE DRILL, MARVIN, WILL YOU?”

You understand why the Emperor’s guards use dental drills. What could instill more fear in their opponents? But it does make it difficult to have a conversation.

“Oh, it’s you.” Marvin comes to play Bridge at your house once a month. “What’s with the giant?”

“This little girl would like to present her tooth directly to the Emperor.”

Marvin gives you a skeptical look. “You messed this one up pretty bad, and you’re trying to put a good face on it, ain’t you?”

“Well needs must.”

He shakes his head. “Well, lucky for you, his Imperial Majesty is not engaged in any important state business like a nap. He’ll see you.”

The Emperor sits on a throne putting him just about at eye level with the girl. Slowly, making sure to stop for frequent bowing and grovelling, you make your way to him.

“What, precisely, is going on?”

“I am Field Agent Number 24601. This young lady wishes to present you with her recently lost baby tooth herself. I could not deny her such a sweet request.”

“Here you go, your highness.” She very nearly shoves the tooth in his face.

“She means Imperial Majesty!” It comes out as a squeak.

The Emperor takes the tooth from her. “Very nice,” he says, examining it. “You take excellent care of your teeth.”

The little girl smiles, showing the missing one off to full effect.

“Now rip out the rest of her teeth and throw her in the dungeon for her sheer audacity.” The Emperor casually waves you away.

What do you choose?

——— Wait, so what do I do now?

You will notice two TBD slots on the poll. These are meant to be filled out by YOU.

If you have a suggestion for another path the Tooth Fairy should take, please comment on this site, or send it to our Facebook page. (Like us while there if you don’t already, please and thank you.) Get your suggestions in by Monday because I’ll be updating the poll on Tuesday with your suggestions.

You may vote now (though I ask that you not vote for a TBD until it no longer says TBD). If you’d prefer to wait until all the options are up on the poll, feel free, but get your votes in before next Friday when a winner will be chosen, and a new Chapter will be posted.

So make your choice.

Trouble for the Tooth Fairy – Chapter Five

You can view the previous chapter here.

“Oh, dear. We should perhaps . . .”

“They’re so teeny!”

“Yes, well, proportionally, those spears are rather large on them, and they certainly can kill me, if not you. We should go!”

You used a lot of energy to get here, but no time to be subtle. You’ve got to get her away and quickly. You can skip a few dimensions and go straight to number eleven.

“This might be less pleasant than the last trip.”

And then you fold yourself inside out and turn your blood into soda pop.

“That was ickier than last time.” The girl holds her nose, as though she still smells the eighth dimension, which is possible.

“Shh.” You insist. The trouble with anything above the ninth dimension is that it’s nearly impossible to get anywhere accurately. You were hoping to to get to the wall of great city, but you could be several kilometers away, or even . . .

In the palace of the Enamel Emperor.

“Oh, bother.”

What do you Choose?

——— Wait, so what do I do now?

You will notice two TBD slots on the poll. These are meant to be filled out by YOU.

If you have a suggestion for another path the Tooth Fairy should take, please comment on this site, or send it to our Facebook page. (Like us while there if you don’t already, please and thank you.) Get your suggestions in by Tuesday because I’ll be updating the poll on Wedmesday with your suggestions.

You may vote now (though I ask that you not vote for a TBD until it no longer says TBD). If you’d prefer to wait until all the options are up on the poll, feel free, but get your votes in before next Friday when a winner will be chosen, and a new Chapter will be posted.

So make your choice.

Trouble for the Tooth Fairy – Chapter Four

You can view the previous chapter here.

“Ah, well, you see, I could of course show you what is done with the other teeth, but it’s really quite alarmingly dangerous and there are . . .”

“Show me.”

“Well, yes. I mean, no, I don’t think that’s . . .” You can tell when you’re beaten. “All right. Yes. There is one more place I suppose I could show you, but I really must insist that we be very careful on the way there. I’ll need to borrow your shadow for a minute, if you please.”

“My shadow?”

“Look, you’re quite a bit bigger than me obviously. I need an energy source to take us where we’re going and you’ve got that great big shadow. Oh, never mind, just hold on a moment.”

You certainly don’t have time to explain such highly scientific principles to a six year old. You take her shadow and stuff it into a pocket of gossamer and moonlight. The anti-light in the shadow forms a vortex in the light, and you use the momentum of that churning to power a very simple tesseract. Truly you only need to move a few feet in distance, but it does go through about nine different planes of existence.

She squeals in delight. Well, why not? You always considered yourself a craftsman, and what’s the point of travel if it doesn’t leave one feeling giddy with delight afterwards?

You arrive on the Plateau of Periodontists. No idea how it got that name. “Big wide desert with not much to look at” probably didn’t look good to the emperor when he made the maps.

“Very well, now from here on, we must proceed –“

“THAT WAS SO COOL!!”

“– in the utmost silence.”

From behind the dunes of the white sand (well, someone has to collect the pieces of chipped teeth lying all around macadam playgrounds and such) a dust cloud forms. The Molar Militia has heard her and they will be upon you in seconds.

What do you choose?

——— Wait, so what do I do now?

You will notice two TBD slots on the poll. These are meant to be filled out by YOU.

If you have a suggestion for another path the Tooth Fairy should take, please comment on this site, or send it to our Facebook page. (Like us while there if you don’t already, please and thank you.) Get your suggestions in by Saturday because I’ll be updating the poll on Sunday with your suggestions.

You may vote now (though I ask that you not vote for a TBD until it no longer says TBD). If you’d prefer to wait until all the options are up on the poll, feel free, but get your votes in before next Wednesday when a winner will be chosen, and a new Chapter will be posted.

So make your choice.

Trouble for the Tooth Fairy – Chapter Three

You can view the previous chapter here.

“What you’re looking at is the Gryphohydranargon.”

She giggles. That’s less than promising. You probably shouldn’t have tried to give a name to one of the Unnamables, but in your head it sounded scarier.

“Part Gryphon, part Hydra, part Narwhal, and part Gorgon. She was born with seven thousand teeth. We had to make so many trips to collect her baby teeth that we finally brought her here. This was the only water we had because . . . well tooth fairy.”

“Does she miss her Mommy?”

You’re stunned into silence. You’ve never thought of that.

“No idea. The point is, thousands of teeth. Look at them. TAnd over the years we’ve given her more and more teeth and she’s absorbed them. Almost one of every three teeth we get, The inside of her mouth is so sharp she can bite her way through the fabric of reality and come into your room at night.”

“There’s no water in my room.”

“Um. . . Well, no, I suppose there wouldn’t be.”

“And even if she came, I could just give her some gum to chew on.”

“Gum. She must love to chew, so I’d give her some gum.” She goes so far as to pull a piece from the pocket of her pajamas and toss it to the Unnameable. One of the seven heads snaps it up and begins chewing. You hear the creature  . . . purring.

“So what do you do with the other teeth?”

What do you Choose?

——— Wait, so what do I do now?

You will notice two TBD slots on the poll. These are meant to be filled out by YOU.

If you have a suggestion for another path the Tooth Fairy should take, please comment on this site, or send it to our Facebook page. (Like us while there if you don’t already, please and thank you.) Get your suggestions in by Saturday because I’ll be updating the poll on Sunday with your suggestions.

You may vote now (though I ask that you not vote for a TBD until it no longer says TBD). If you’d prefer to wait until all the options are up on the poll, feel free, but get your votes in before next Wednesday when a winner will be chosen, and a new Chapter will be posted.

So make your choice.

Trouble for the Tooth Fairy – Chapter 2

You can view the previous chapter here.

“All right. I can’t tell you what we do with the teeth, but I could, maybe . . . show you?”

The last comes out as a squeak. You watch the little girl’s eyes widen and you brace yourself for her response.

“Cool! Are we going to fly?”

To get to where you’re going, you’ll need to turn time inside out, then poke a hole through that with the power of rainbows, positive thinking, and a thorough understanding of special relativity.

“Yes. We’re going to fly. But you have to promise me that when I show you, I can have the tooth.”

She nods enthusiastically, and loosens her grip. You grab a handful of gravity, swirl it about until that becomes a small black hole, and then blast that with the belief in Unicorns and Pixies that’s pouring off this little girl. It’s not a particularly elegant portal, but usually you’re only transporting something which doesn’t exist –you– and a tiny little tooth. She’s much bigger, and that much reality is hard to move smoothly. Better just use brute force.

You expect that she might hesitate at the swirling mass of colors, but she basically drags you through your own portal. Then you stare out at the great blackness lit only by the City Eternal and the thousand pin-pricks of light which have pierced the curtain.

“Are we in outer space?”

“Um. It is a space. And it’s outer to  . . . something.”

“Oooh, what’s that?”

You pull her away from the light of the City Eternal. If she’s surprised by your strength in this place, she doesn’t show it. She may simply not have noticed. “No, no. We’re going this way, to the toothpaste lake.”

“A lake made of toothpaste? Yuck!”

She is not wrong. It’s especially disgusting given that the lake is made up of toothpaste that’s been spat out by millions of children over the years. You set her down at the rocky shores and cover your nose against the unappealingly minty breeze.

She does not hide her distaste. “Why are we here?”

“You wanted to see what we do with your teeth. We use them to keep what’s in the lake happy.”

“What’s in the lake?”

You point at what it is. When the huge mass crests over top of the surface of the lake, you can barely repress a shudder.

What do you choose?

 

——— Wait, so what do I do now?

You will notice two TBD slots on the poll. These are meant to be filled out by YOU.

If you have a suggestion for another path the Tooth Fairy should take, please comment on this site, or send it to our Facebook page. (Like us while there if you don’t already, please and thank you.) Get your suggestions in by Saturday because I’ll be updating the poll on Sunday with your suggestions.

You may vote now (though I ask that you not vote for a TBD until it no longer says TBD). If you’d prefer to wait until all the options are up on the poll, feel free, but get your votes in before next Wednesday when a winner will be chosen, and a new Chapter will be posted.

So make your choice.