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Bringing the Choose Your Own Adventure format into the digital age. And books. I'm shamelessly plugging the books I've written.

Writing is the art of painting yourself into a corner and then pointing to a trapeze that wasn't there a moment ago.

Your Chosen Geek
Published works
Published works

The stories on this page are free, but if you'd actually like to purchase some other things I've written, well don't let me stop you.

When we last left our hero
When we last left our hero

If you're not caught up with the story, click on the box above. If you are, what are you waiting for? Keep scrolling down.

Seat Of Our Pants Audio
Seat Of Our Pants Audio

Radio dramas from my own theatre company, the Seat Of Our Pants Players.

Trouble for the Tooth Fairy – Chapter 8

You can view the previous chapter here.

You grab the girl and tuck a rainbow into a pocket of extra-dimensional space before the emperor can change his mind. You generally consider yourself more of a craftsman than this, but no point in being fancy just now.

“Ow!” she says.

“Sorry. Had to be a bit slapdash here. We’re at the second Unnameable. Do you see that mountain over there?”

“Yeah.”

“Fun fact. Not a mountain. Great hulking beast bigger than our entire city. The only way we could keep it from attacking us was to build that wall over there. Made entirely out of baby teeth. Serves the dual function of being sharp and jagged and making it wonder what sort of ferocious thing could have amassed so many bones of it’s enemies.”

She stares at the second Unnameable. “It looks lonely.”

“Probably. Come on.”  So saying, you turn gravity off for just long enough to power a trip with the girl’s memories of birthday cake. It’s not up to your usual standards, but should be more comfortable for her. You can at least do that.

“All right, see the tiny cave lined with teeth? Evil Wizard in there. Made himself immune to every form of damage except a bite. Tried to take over the world about a thousand years ago. We threw him into the cave and then started lining it with teeth. He’s still trying to crawl out, so we keep lengthening the cave.”

“Doesn’t it hurt him?”

“Well that was rather the point. He was really not a very nice man.” You check your watch. Plenty of time left. “All right. One more quick stop.”

This one is just for show. You grab a diamond from the floor of the cave (there are dozens) and turn it into a lump of coal. Using that energy, you bounce the darkness of the cave around itself until it becomes half as bright as a quasar. You step into that dark light and arrive at your destination. Only a handful of fairies could do that.

The river isn’t exactly water. You’re not actually sure what it is. That’s sort of the point. It flows directly at the Tree of No Endings. It’s called that because no one has ever seen the top of it. But you’re not looking for the top.

“Aren’t we going back to the emperor?”

“Ah, yes, about that. You see, he would like me to go to the dungeon, and I would like to, well, not.” You hand her the lump of coal. “Throw that into the air once I’m gone. It should explode into a shower of diamond dust and get somebody’s attention. They’ll get you back to your home.”

“Wait. Where are you going?”

“This canal runs straight down into the roots of that tree. From there . . . well no one has any idea. I’d say it’s been a pleasure, but, well you’ve pretty much ruined my life. Toodle-pip!”

There is always a boat docked on the Root Canal. No one knows where it comes from, but it’s always there waiting to take someone who needs passage. You untie it and wave to the girl. The current takes you, growing steadily faster as you careen to the darkness under the roots.

***

When one life ends and another begins, there is usually a moment of remembrance. In a moment, you’ll be sure this was a dream of a fairy who could do the impossible, but for now, you know you’ve changed from that form to this larger, more oafish one. Your clumsy tongue searches your mouth and you find the gap you expected. You roll yourself over and stick your gawkish hands — small with lots of growing to do, but somehow impossibly big — under your pillow.

A small, cool metal coin rests there, assuring you that you have something to start your new life with.

The End.

 

Trouble for the Tooth Fairy – Chapter 8

You can view the previous chapter here.

“Your regalness! I can’t possibly go to the dungeon.”

“I think you’ll find that, in fact, you very much can.”

“No, that’s not what I mean. I have promised to show this girl what will become of her tooth. I can’t possibly leave such a pledge unfulfilled.”

“I have two problems with that. First, more than one person has made a solemn pledge to be somewhere or do something and then found themselves unable to fulfill that pledge due to being incarcerated. I doubt you’d even be the first such person this week. The second problem I have is that, as you very well know you had no business making such a promise. Marvin, take him away.”

Pleeeeeeeeeease!” The little girl hits octaves Marvin’s dental drill would have trouble with. The emperor stares at her in a mixture of horror and pity. “He promised to show me.”

The emperor closes his eyes and lets out a sigh like a steam engine coming to a stop. “You have twenty minutes – and no manipulation of the timeline. Show her what she needs to see, and then get back here to receive the punishment you know perfectly well that you deserve.”

“Thank you, your grace, your immensity, your awesome and revered . . .”

“Nineteen minutes and thirty seconds.”

——— Wait, so what do I do now?

You will notice two TBD slots on the poll. These are meant to be filled out by YOU.

If you have a suggestion for another path the Tooth Fairy should take, please comment on this site, or send it to our Facebook page. (Like us while there if you don’t already, please and thank you.) Get your suggestions in by Monday because I’ll be updating the poll on Tuesday with your suggestions.

You may vote now (though I ask that you not vote for a TBD until it no longer says TBD). If you’d prefer to wait until all the options are up on the poll, feel free, but get your votes in before next Friday when a winner will be chosen, and a new Chapter will be posted.

So make your choice.

Trouble for the Tooth Fairy — Chapter Seven

Voting is extended to Saturday due to a tie in the poll.

 

You can view the previous chapter here.

“Your regal and imperial majesty! Your benevolent and beloved monarch! Ye whom the sun will not dare to set afore such time as you would wish it.”

“I sense that you want something from me.” The emperor looks down on you casually.

“I implore you to demonstrate that legendary trait you are so known for the length and breadth of the land!”

“My stamp collection?”

“Your mercy, my sovereign liege. This sweet and innocent peasant girl . . .”

She chimes in. “I’m not a peasant. Mommy says I’m a princess.”

“Quiet!” you say out of the corner of your mouth before returning your address to the emperor. “This girl wished only to bask for a moment in your regal glory. Surely you can show her some understanding when you have such empathy in abundance.”

“Oh, I understand the urge quite well, but you see, it’s not allowed.”

“Yes, but, exalted one, she had no way to know that.”

He considers. “No, I suppose she did not.” He narrows his eyes at you. “But you certainly did.”

“Well, yes, but that’s not the point.”

“Are you sure? It does seem to be the point.” He looks behind you to his guards who have entered the room. “Change of plans, Marvin. Send one of your men to fetch me someone to look after this little princess until she may be taken back to her home. As for my loyal collection agent here, take him to the dungeon and maybe beat him about the head and shoulders for a while if you’re so inclined.”

“For how long, my lord?”

“The beating? Oh, as long as you feel like it. But if you meant how long in the dungeon . . .” He looks up to the sky, calculating. “Let us say until such time as we have all the baby teeth from this girl’s great-great-great-great grandchildren.”

Well, that didn’t go as planned. You need a way out and fast.

——— Wait, so what do I do now?

You will notice two TBD slots on the poll. These are meant to be filled out by YOU.

If you have a suggestion for another path the Tooth Fairy should take, please comment on this site, or send it to our Facebook page. (Like us while there if you don’t already, please and thank you.) Get your suggestions in by Monday because I’ll be updating the poll on Tuesday with your suggestions.

You may vote now (though I ask that you not vote for a TBD until it no longer says TBD). If you’d prefer to wait until all the options are up on the poll, feel free, but get your votes in before next Friday when a winner will be chosen, and a new Chapter will be posted.

So make your choice.

Trouble for the Tooth Fairy — Chapter Six

You can view the previous chapter here.

“Where are we?”

“This is the palace of his royal imperial majesty, lord of all the lands from the Toothpaste Lake to the Dentin Mines, sovereign of all he beholds, and supreme ruler of the Tooth Fairy council, Throckmorton Olivier Oglethorpe Thaddeus Haverford the 32nd, the Enamel Emperor.”

You ought to have gotten that right, they drilled it into you since the age of three hours.

“Is he like a king or something?”

You wince. “Emperor, please. I understand he’s a bit touchy about the difference.”

“What is the difference?”

“No idea.”

She stares at the shining walls all around her. “Do I get to meet him?”

You sigh. You were going to get found out anyway. “Yes. Yes, I suppose you must. Look, it’s very rude to deny an emperor anything, so will you please just give your tooth to him? I promise I will still show you what happens to the teeth if it’s still within my power to do so.”

She looks at the tooth in her hand. “Okay.”

“Good. He might let us live that way.”

“What?”

“Come on!” You are not particularly familiar with the palace, but finding the Emperor is easy. You just go to the closest part of the palace that you’ve never been allowed to go to before.

“WHO GOES THERE?”

“WHAT?”

“I SAY WHO GOES THERE?!”

“OH, TURN OFF THE DRILL, MARVIN, WILL YOU?”

You understand why the Emperor’s guards use dental drills. What could instill more fear in their opponents? But it does make it difficult to have a conversation.

“Oh, it’s you.” Marvin comes to play Bridge at your house once a month. “What’s with the giant?”

“This little girl would like to present her tooth directly to the Emperor.”

Marvin gives you a skeptical look. “You messed this one up pretty bad, and you’re trying to put a good face on it, ain’t you?”

“Well needs must.”

He shakes his head. “Well, lucky for you, his Imperial Majesty is not engaged in any important state business like a nap. He’ll see you.”

The Emperor sits on a throne putting him just about at eye level with the girl. Slowly, making sure to stop for frequent bowing and grovelling, you make your way to him.

“What, precisely, is going on?”

“I am Field Agent Number 24601. This young lady wishes to present you with her recently lost baby tooth herself. I could not deny her such a sweet request.”

“Here you go, your highness.” She very nearly shoves the tooth in his face.

“She means Imperial Majesty!” It comes out as a squeak.

The Emperor takes the tooth from her. “Very nice,” he says, examining it. “You take excellent care of your teeth.”

The little girl smiles, showing the missing one off to full effect.

“Now rip out the rest of her teeth and throw her in the dungeon for her sheer audacity.” The Emperor casually waves you away.

——— Wait, so what do I do now?

You will notice two TBD slots on the poll. These are meant to be filled out by YOU.

If you have a suggestion for another path the Tooth Fairy should take, please comment on this site, or send it to our Facebook page. (Like us while there if you don’t already, please and thank you.) Get your suggestions in by Monday because I’ll be updating the poll on Tuesday with your suggestions.

You may vote now (though I ask that you not vote for a TBD until it no longer says TBD). If you’d prefer to wait until all the options are up on the poll, feel free, but get your votes in before next Friday when a winner will be chosen, and a new Chapter will be posted.

So make your choice.

Trouble for the Tooth Fairy – Chapter Five

You can view the previous chapter here.

“Oh, dear. We should perhaps . . .”

“They’re so teeny!”

“Yes, well, proportionally, those spears are rather large on them, and they certainly can kill me, if not you. We should go!”

You used a lot of energy to get here, but no time to be subtle. You’ve got to get her away and quickly. You can skip a few dimensions and go straight to number eleven.

“This might be less pleasant than the last trip.”

And then you fold yourself inside out and turn your blood into soda pop.

“That was ickier than last time.” The girl holds her nose, as though she still smells the eighth dimension, which is possible.

“Shh.” You insist. The trouble with anything above the ninth dimension is that it’s nearly impossible to get anywhere accurately. You were hoping to to get to the wall of great city, but you could be several kilometers away, or even . . .

In the palace of the Enamel Emperor.

“Oh, bother.”

——— Wait, so what do I do now?

You will notice two TBD slots on the poll. These are meant to be filled out by YOU.

If you have a suggestion for another path the Tooth Fairy should take, please comment on this site, or send it to our Facebook page. (Like us while there if you don’t already, please and thank you.) Get your suggestions in by Tuesday because I’ll be updating the poll on Wedmesday with your suggestions.

You may vote now (though I ask that you not vote for a TBD until it no longer says TBD). If you’d prefer to wait until all the options are up on the poll, feel free, but get your votes in before next Friday when a winner will be chosen, and a new Chapter will be posted.

So make your choice.